I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
