So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
