I just saw a hot homeless man
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
