When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
