now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
