ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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