I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
