so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
