If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
