I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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