plz talk dirty to me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
