That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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