Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize