I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
