he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
