I molested 6 butterflies tonight
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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