I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
