why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
