I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
