And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
