sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
