so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
