why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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