so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
