As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
