Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
