what day is it and did you see me today?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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