Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
