1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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