I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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