Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
