His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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