so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
