I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
