the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
