well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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