Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
