so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Vodka?
Forever.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
