so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
