I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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