He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
