My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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