9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
