Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
