Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
