never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he was CRYING into my vagina
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
