Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
