you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
