well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
