You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
