If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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