We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
