fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
