No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
