I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
