the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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