its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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