Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
