Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
