yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
