hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
