I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
