i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
