She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
