you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
