Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
