dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
