I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
