Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
