He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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