Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize