he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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