If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
