"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
