there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
