I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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