OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
