I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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