It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
