it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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