My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize