I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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