Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
