Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
