is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
