Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
