Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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