She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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