His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
