she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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