I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
