yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
