dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
