If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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