I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize