I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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