So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
