She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
