ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
