Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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