I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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