i would punch a child for taco bell
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize