The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
