College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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