Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
