Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
