Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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