does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
