took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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