Jerry, you need to find god
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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