I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
