she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
