two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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