We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
