We're like a lot better than the average bears
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
